Five Days Left...

Ethan will be forced into this world in 5 days. :) I'm hoping for tonight. Or tomorrow. Or any day before Tuesday...but patience is a virtue that pregnancy teaches me. :) I have a to do list with one or two things on each day from now until then. This all started Monday. I just knew that I had to commit to doing a few simple things each day to make life after giving birth easier. So far, nothing on that list (other than the hospital bag) has really been crossed off. Life as a mother of 3 is nuts. And here we are adding another tiny person to this equation. I can't believe everything that has happened to make up my week! It's been insane!
Monday night insomnia hit. I spent several hours in the middle of the night folding laundry, eating cereal, and watching Psych. Reading scriptures. Reading conference talks. Reading articles online and peoples' comments and then realizing that I should really delete my facebook but at the very least I should avoid reading peoples' comments. Ever really, but especially in the middle of the night when the line between sane and totally unleashed is particularly blurry for me.
Tuesday I was, hence, exhausted. I had a doctor's appointment. No changes from the week before except the baby is low and ready to go. I was totally satisfied with that. A special calm and assurance overtook me and I felt like I could be patient. I could wait. After all, he's easier to take care of inside of me, right? Tuesday night was another night of zero sleep, this time up with Ellie who was complaining of ear pain. She was writhing. Wouldn't lay down because it hurt. Had a fever. Coughed a lot. Couldn't sit still for her life but wanted to be on top of me the whole time. Finally Scott just took her down to the guest bed and laid with her there so we could all attempt to get more sleep. There certainly wasn't room in our bed for both of us, a fetus, and a flailing child.
Wednesday was sure to be awful. And it turned out both awful and alright at the same time! I was too scared to take all 3 kids to urgent care by myself being as exhausted as I was so I called my sister and asked her to come with us during her break between classes to wrangle the outside two while I saw the doctor with the middle. He joked with me that he knew we would be bringing at least one of our kids in because it was a week before the baby would come and we always do (Addy had RSV when Ellie was born and Ellie had bronchitis when Grace came). It was...sad. It's so true! I can't keep my kids healthy for anything when I get close to having a baby! Anyway, he checked her left ear and said that it looked very, very sore. I told him she had been complaining about the other side and he said, "Well, I guarantee you it's this one! She must be confused!" And then took a peek at her right and said, "Nope, she's right! This one is definitely worse." Ugh. Off to Walmart for an antibiotic. Ali stayed with the kids so I could hurry. I wasn't gone more than 20 minutes but when I got back the van wouldn't start. Ali missed her second class because of me (I'm so fun to do favors for). We got home and put the kids to bed. I was so tired, but spent nap time making rice bags, but with dried, whole corn inside instead. I've heard they work better so I thought I'd try it. Broke 3 needles because I wanted to use denim (AKA a pair of Scott's 50 pairs of pants that he's worn holes in and can't wear to work anymore). Super frustrating. Then an amazing friend brought us dinner. And my day turned right around. My kids all ate amazingly. It was great soup. Ali and Scott and I got to watch some "Last Man Standing" and eat some popcorn.
Today. Thursday. I feel like I've had a day long hangover. I know, I've never had a hangover, but I imagine this is what one feels like. I should have been more tired yesterday after not sleeping. But today, even though we all slept the best we have all week, I felt drained and my kids were at their grumpiest. I've been worrying so much today about my kids when the baby comes. And about me, quite frankly! Can I really handle 4 kids 4 and under? Am I enough for them all? Can I give them all the attention and love they need? I don't know which kid to be more worried about. I can see it going so many ways. Addy, I think and hope, will love her brother. She'll want to help. She'll want to be a good girl. She'll have 5 good days for every slightly less good day. Ellie will be jealous. More than Grace, I think. I worry about Ellie the most. She's so tender and emotional. I worry that she'll get less snuggles and she'll be sad about it. I hope she'll snuggle me while I nurse Ethan and that if I have to share my lap between the two of them she'll be okay with it. She's such the middle child. She's so mellow that sometimes I forget she needs me as much as the other two demand me. Grace won't like to share me. Not because she's particularly attached to me or anything. It's not like she loves sitting on my lap or wants to snuggle at all, ever. But she knows I'm her mom and she won't like the idea that my lap isn't open. It's not so much that she'll want it, but she'll know she can't have it and that will make her mad. But I think she'll adjust really fast. I hope.

OR

Ellie will be totally fine. She'll love snuggling both me and the baby and she'll step up to the plate and love helping me. She'll revel in having a baby and love that we all get to snuggle and spend time together. And Addy will act out to get the attention that is so easy to get now but won't be soon. And Grace will have a hard time and be upset at me for allowing another little person to be the baby. 

OR

Nobody will notice that there's another kid. There won't be a reallocation of attention because I'm super mom and can handle it. RIGHT...

Anyway, point is, nothing is getting done. I'm sitting here blogging while my husband it gone at mutual and my kids are doing anything but sleeping but I'm too tired to care and, after all, they're in their beds so who cares if they're talking and playing instead of catching up on tons of missed sleep? I am literally so grateful for the people in my life who accept me for who I am. And especially my husband who just understands. He's never said a word to me about the total lack of productivity. He's cleaned my kitchen a million times and I'm sure he'll end up doing it tomorrow on his day off. He tells me I'm the best mom and wife in the world. And better than that, I think the sorry sucker believes it. lol. 

I'm not a perfect mom. I'm scared a little! This is the first time that I haven't felt completely capable of handling life once a new baby comes. I'm anxious and nervous along with the excitement, which is a new feeling for me, the crazy baby lady. I know that I am going to need so much help, and I'm so bad at asking for it. I pray that my hormones adjust well instead of going crazy like they did after Grace. I pray that I'll be patient in my state of sleep deprivation. I pray that I'll be aware of the needs of my family instead of just thinking about my "needs." I pray that I'll be enough. 

This post makes no sense. It's so random and jumbled and would receive a really bad score were it some kind of assignment! Welcome to my brain lately! I start out recounting my week and then end by delving into my innermost thoughts and feelings which are so cloudy and all over the place that I can't even figure them out...this is a post I won't post a link to! lol. But, since this is the only form of journaling that I can be consistent at, I wanted to record my thoughts and feelings. 

I am nervous and anxious. But I am also elated. I have to add that here. I'm not dreading having my baby boy. I can't wait. I know it will be hard. I worry about my kids. I worry about me. But I know that this experience will be hard, but the best thing I've ever done. Because that's how every child has made me feel. Being a mom is hard work. But it's rewarding work. It's spiritual work. It's eternal work. The worrying and the stressing helps me to be better (unless I wallow, which happens also). It helps me to work harder and try harder. And I can't wait to try harder as I become a mother of 4. Ok. I have to stop rambling. Goodnight :)

October Overload

October was a crazy packed month! We fit in so much fun! Scott and I got an overnight get-away for my birthday/anniversary and my sister Ali stayed with the kids overnight. Each Monday we had a Halloween-themed FHE treat. And we visited pumpkin patches like crazy! I just love Fall. 

Orange creamsicle floats. The girls were very entertained by my pumpkin face drawing "skills..."

I love Fall. I believe I already stated that :) Addy's dream was to go to 3 pumpkin patches. So one weekend we took that challenge! It was great. I loved it. And so did the kids. Check out these sweet faces! And the best part? Check out their lack of jackets in the middle of October! The weather was perfect!

Pumpkin Patch #1 - RC Acres

Grace is at such a fun age! We are seriously loving everything about her personality right now. Her facial expressions kill us. Her stubborn independence is both mildly frustrating and wildly entertaining. I love her. Seriously.

Grace wanted to jump into this train ride with her sisters...she may have screamed the whole time. And Scott may have had to run to catch up with the train so he could jog alongside her. It was pretty entertaining to watch the poor girl who had to drive the 4-wheeler! lol.

They also had some kitties. And if you know Ellie you know that this was her personal heaven :)

This family picture cracks me up. I hate smiling in the sun. I can't keep my eyes open for my life. If it's mildly light outside I am squinting. And my kids like it as much as I do. Scott is the only one who looks kind of, maybe normal in this!

Patch #2 - You Pick Red Barn

The kids and their dad climbed the mountain of hay. The poor things came away with hay in their undies! It was kind of funny to watch Ellie squirm trying to describe the issue to me!

My kids were obsessed with these cutout faces. It was super funny! Ellie couldn't do it without her hands in the hole, Addy was bugged by that, and Grace wanted to stay in every single one of them for an inordinate amount of time. It was great :)

This patch had a little straw maze that was perfect kid size! The kiddos enjoyed navigating the curves and twists to get to the barn.

And in the barn? Ellie's heaven...again! The girl was thrilled! I love the pure joy in her face!

My favorite part of this picture is Ellie, sneaking in on Addy's kitty love! Seriously she makes me smile!

We let the kids ride the train, though I'm not sure I would do it again. It was fun and cute but it was expensive! It was $2 per person...I liked that the little ride at the other patch was complimentary. But it was cute to watch Grace point at all the pumpkins we were driving past :)

Patch #3 - Fall Family Festival (by Treehouse Nursery)

This patch was definitely our favorite! Though the pumpkins were a lot cheaper at RC Acres, the entertainment and fun were so plentiful at this little festival. It cost $3 per adult to get in but everything from there was perfect and so fun! You start your little walk with a fairy tale forest. This family who opened this patch built all of these houses and cutouts themselves. I was VERY impressed. And Addy loved reading the stories and pretending to be the characters.

                                                

The best part by far was the corn pit. Dried corn kernels a foot and a half deep in a large pit. Buckets and shovels to play with. The kids were in heaven. And let's not lie, the adults were rather excited about it as well :)

This was so fun! The kids loved being buried and burying each other. It was totally worth the entrance fee, in my opinion.

They also had a hay ride :) The kids thought it was pretty awesome. They don't look exactly thrilled but they were! Poor Grace had a little mishap :( She fell between the tractor and the platform and got a huge mouthful of dirt and a bit of a scratched up face. But she recovered quickly and loved the hay ride. I felt like such a terrible mother, letting my 17 month old climb onto the hay without me right there. You can bet that will only every happen once...

Ellie isn't into smiling in pictures lately...but I love her little somber, thoughtful face. I love my babes! And I loved our pumpkin patch weekend!

One weekend dad had to work some conference thing or something so we took the opportunity to visit him at lunch and have a picnic and a fun walk through the campus gardens. My kids loved the shaped trees and the fact that all the apples were worm eaten except for two perfect ones right on the way out of the orchards. It was great!

This picture is so dark but I love it. Grace was so happy to be with her daddy finally. She misses him so much when he is at work.

I love my sweet girl. She's so spunky and sometimes so rotten! But she's so good. And such a happy little person. I love being with her.

The next weekend we carved pumpkins! Addy was all into digging out the guts, as long as she had a glove. I seriously laughed until I cried! Oh, and of course, she wouldn't wear clothes because she didn't want to get them dirty and since it was 70+ degrees outside and I hate laundry I obliged lol. 

Ellie was SO not going to do it, glove or not. It was hilarious to watch her sit there and watch, with her hand on her belly and a look of disgust on her cute little face!

My kids have the best dad in the world. He took them downstairs and spent over an hour with them picking out stencils for their pumpkins and then he carved them with/for them. Addy was so proud of her toothless pumpkin (How to Train Your Dragon) and Ellie was THRILLED with her Hello Kitty. I would have skimped and done five minute jack-o-lanterns :)

The next weekend, after my amazing sister-in-law had her sweet baby boy, I couldn't resist a weekend trip to Utah. And since Ali only had one class on Friday and a great teacher who let her out of it, we headed down together. We stayed with Shauna and visited with sweet Shane, Heather, and James :) I was in baby heaven and it made me even more anxious to have my own baby boy! The girls LOVED being at Shauna's house and were great the entire time. We kept so busy. I am so grateful that my siblings are my best friends. Check out this baby boy and how much he was loving his auntie Shiloh!

It made my baby seem so big and I know that when I have a newborn she'll be weirdly huge. I can't believe how fast this girl seems to shoot up!

I put baby Jordan to sleep for a 4 hour nap! He really never does that and I was proud to be the one with magic touch. And also, he snuggles. So really it was a 3 way win...Shauna, JJ, and I loved it. Grace, on the other hand, was jealous as all get-out. I'm a little nervous for when there's a baby that lives with us...

I volunteered Shauna for the girls' nail painting skills...Addy did the pink ones and Ellie the blue. The awesome part? Sunday, after we left, she went to get her nail polish remover so she could wear sandals to church and realized she had left it at my mom's before moving! So she had to switch her whole outfit to hide them! I laughed so hard!

And here's baby James! I love him so much. He was so tiny and sweet and seeing my brother as a dad was one of the best feelings ever. He finally understands my whole life :)

Shauna helped the girls bake a rainbow cake. They loved stirring in the colors and licking the bowls :)

We hurried home for Addy's primary program on Sunday. We were sad to leave, but we had a good trip home. The girls did so well. Addy was so good the next day for her program. She was so cute. She got up and said her part all by herself. I may have teared up. And I also got to play the piano for the program so it was doubly fun!

Because the kids begged, we went for a second little run to the corn box. It was a lot colder and windier this time around, but the fun abounded!

I couldn't get my kids to keep their coats on, so I finally demanded they either wear them or we leave! But they discovered snow angels and it made them so happy, even though every time they tried to stand up all the imprint just fell in on itself! 

Excuse my thumb in the picture but Grace was so cute and fun!

Another one of our desserts. :) Candy corn jello cups. We also had pumpkin sugar cookies and caramel apples. It was a great month for treats :)

And then, of course, we ended the month with Halloween! It was so much fun. We went to the drive in theater for a free showing of Monster House and a trunk or treat Friday night. The kids loved it and they watched the whole movie. My back window of my van is COVERED in sticky, popcorn handprints. It was pretty fun. I loved snuggling in the back with the seats folded down and blankets all around :)

This picture is so Addy...and Ellie just staring at her like she's so befuddled by her personality. We all are, Ellie. We all are!

Halloween day was packed full of fun! Orange cinnamon rolls for breakfast started us off right!

Pumpkin painting was a messy hit. I'm not sure why we did bathtime and then painting time...I had to cut Scott's hair so I threw the kids in the bath so they'd be busy while I did that. And then they asked to paint and I couldn't say no! It was so fun!

Then we played toilet paper bowling. The kids liked it, but not as much as Scott's mummy idea...

Next we headed into town for a little Hocus Pocus at Hemming Village. A little carnival with candy and characters and a train ride. The kids LOVED it. It was cold, so excuse their poor, wind-blown hair and smiles, but we all had a great time. Ellie was especially excited about Mickey and Minnie, but as I mentioned before she's not a fan of smiling in pictures lately and it was super cold and windy so she was particularly not smiley (for the pictures, but put the camera away and she was all giggles and grins)!

The wind ensured this was the best smile I could get! haha! Addy jumped in a few cars behind us so I didn't get a picture of her, but I love the picture with Scott and Grace in the back taking their own selfie :)

 Halloween night we joined some of our friends for a candy cannon shoot-off and then headed to the church for trunk or treating. The kids had so much fun and I loved that they all wanted to be kittens. They were so cute and I loved it.

I am SO pregnant...a week and a half left and baby comes if he hasn't already! Everyone loved our pumpkin shirts and I am so glad I have an artsy husband who can make them when I sit down to do it and chicken out! 

Gracie loved the idea of everyone giving her candy, and candy falling from the sky was so fun for her! I loved watching her unwrap her candy and shove it in her mouth before mom could stop her. The kid ate nothing else all day, but hey, that's healthy once a year, right?

As always we were so happy to have Aunt Ali with us for the festivities. It was great fun :)

As you can all see, we have had such a great and fun October. We are so grateful for our beautiful children and the amazing community that we live in that allows us to have so much fun on such a budget. I can't wait to have my 4 babies next Halloween to dress up as the 3 little pigs and the big, bad wolf :) If I can convince Addy to go along :) Happy October everyone!