Do I Even Dare?

Okay, I'm not even posting a link to this post on Facebook because I don't want to cause an uproar. I don't care who reads it or who doesn't (although there are some people I'd probably rather didn't). I just want to write this down so I can remember it. So I can reason through my own ideas. If it offends you, I seriously DO NOT want to hear about it. If you think I'm wrong, let the Spirit and life (or my mother lol) correct me. You don't need to. 

The subject is modesty. A while ago I read an article by a bishop about why women need to dress modestly. His synopsis was that women are responsible for men's immoral thoughts and actions. He came off very strong, and I didn't think he was very tactful. But I did not disagree with what he said either. Women were outraged that he would dare suggest that they are responsible for men's thoughts and actions. I've spent a very significant amount of time thinking about this.

Lds.org says the following about modesty: 

Our clothing expresses who we are. It sends messages about us, and it influences the way we and others act. When we are well groomed and modestly dressed, we can invite the companionship of the Spirit and exercise a good influence on those around us.

The message here is clear. When we dress modestly, we have the Spirit and influence others around us for good. "Our clothing...influences the way we and others act." Does it get any clearer than that? I get it. If a man has inappropriate thoughts about a woman, he is committing a sin. But is the woman completely blameless if her dress and appearance is revealing? She can influence him for good by dressing modestly, but not for bad when she chooses a more revealing style of clothing? Not buying it. 

My next thought is this. We are sexual beings. It's the natural man. It's the spiritual man. When exercised in the correct time and place, sexual relations are beautiful and pure. That is, between one man and one woman legally and lawfully married. We are created to be attracted to one another. And we know this. As women, we know what will affect men. I'm married, so I'm allowed to say this. I hope it isn't too much information. But when my husband and I settle down for a cozy date night at home (wink, wink), I don't wear baggy jeans and a t-shirt. The whole concept of lingerie proves my point. Men are visually stimulated. You can't change it. It's the way they were created. Is it their responsibility to learn to control those thoughts and urges? Absolutely. Are they responsible for any inappropriate or misplaced thoughts or hands? Yes. But the woman is not innocent. We know that when we dress less than modestly, we draw attention to those parts of our bodies that attract men. It's a no brainer, really. Show your chest and someone will take note.

One woman that I spoke with about this article (who was very upset about it and thought this bishop was psycho crazy and addicted to porn, I kid you not) said that modesty should ONLY be taught as a means of self respect. That when we dress modestly, we respect our bodies. That this is the reason for modest dress. Is this true? 100%. But is it not also true that when we dress modestly we demand respect and propriety from those around us? I think it absolutely is.

So here is my thing. I think there is nothing wrong with stating that when women dress immodestly, they are, in part, responsible for the thoughts men entertain about them. I'm sorry. But the harsh reality is, you do not get to dress for attention and then be abhorred and disgusted when you get it. You don't get to pass off blame. You don't get to act like men are solely responsible for immorality. When you walk around in dresses short enough to see up when you bend over (and I have seen plenty of them on campus and in church), you don't get to be mad when a man takes notice. When you wear a shirt that displays your breasts, you don't get to condemn the men who notice your breasts. When you...well, you get it right? 

So I think both sides of the argument are true, but they have to be used together. In my opinion, it is not okay to teach a young woman that modesty is solely to respect herself and her Heavenly Father. It is also a means of protection, for everyone involved, both the dressers and the lookers. But since I'm not the best with words, let's let lds.org say it better:
Central to the command to be modest is an understanding of the sacred power of procreation, the ability to bring children into the world. This power is to be used only between husband and wife. Revealing and sexually suggestive clothing, which includes short shorts and skirts, tight clothing, and shirts that do not cover the stomach, can stimulate desires and actions that violate the Lord's law of chastity.

Did you catch the part about what is central to the command to be modest? It's not to respect ourselves. It's to respect others. It's to avoid stimulating desires and actions that violate the Lord's law of chastity. Does modesty show respect for ourselves? Let's be clear, yes it does. And lds.org also says that. But the CENTRAL part of that commandment is to help our brothers and sisters return to live with Heavenly Father also. 

So when I teach my girls modesty, I will teach them that their bodies are sacred. That they are temples. That when they dress modestly, they show their respect of their sacred bodies to themselves and Heavenly Father. But I will also teach them that when they violate this commandment, they are, in part, responsible for the thoughts that others may have about them. You cannot dress for attention and then frown upon those who give it to you. You cannot dress for attention and then complain when you get it. Both parts are a necessary part of the command to dress modestly.