At BYU-Idaho, students are grouped into "families" and are assigned to meet together as a group each Monday night to discuss the gospel (and usually fun activities ensue). This is very important to the university, as it is university policy that nothing be scheduled between the hours of 7 and 9 so that students may attend their respective FHE activities without interference of academic requirements. This is part of the university's mission statement, which includes producing disciple leaders. To me, this means men and women capable of and equipped to stand for truth and righteousness wherever they are and to raise righteous families in the gospel.
Now, nobody is perfect. The gospel is perfect and the church isn't. Imperfect people cannot build perfection. Let's get that out of the way now. It's a fact.
And now...the experience that spurred this post. My husband came home for lunch today from work and told me that he has to find students to work tonight. I responded with "What is scheduled on a Monday night?" Apparently there is a dance rehearsal or something going on and it is scheduled from 4-7 and then 8 until they're done. Now, mind you, this goes directly against university policy. And this isn't the first time this department has scheduled resources outside of the designated policies. But, I digress. Apparently Scott's calendar wasn't syncing or something so while he was trying to figure that out with their office assistant, his boss somehow got involved in a conversation that went something like this (I am definitely paraphrasing the majority of this, as my husband was paraphrasing it to me.)
Scott: Taking a break from 7-8 is useless. With travel time that gives students almost no time to be at FHE.
The response: Well they're just students. They don't have real families here.
Scott: We had a talk in church about FHE yesterday and the speaker taught that FHE should be an entire evening, and not just an hour at the end of the day. (You can find the talk that was quoted in sacrament here.)
The response: Well good luck with that when you have teenagers!
Now. First off. I think it's absolutely ridiculous and disrespectful of the dance department to schedule rehearsals requiring tech support during off-limit hours and I think that should be resolved. However, that's not my job. And ultimately Scott doesn't have to work, so I don't really care seeing as it doesn't affect me and it's none of my business. The thing that has me typing like a mad woman is that last sentence right there, which is a direct quote. Good luck with that when you have teenagers.
WHAT?
First of all, good luck following the prophet when you have teenagers (which is a not-so-far-off translation of said comment) is the worst parenting mantra I've ever heard. I get it. Teenagers are hard. Teenagers can be stubborn and they're starting to have their own lives. But guess what? God still expects you to follow the prophet as a family and as the parent it's your job to head that up.
Second of all, the notion that a family with teenagers cannot possibly set aside an entire evening for family is ridiculous. Does it take sacrifice? Absolutely. But guess what? I grew up in a home with 12 kids, and 2 were added after I left. And when I was 18 there was also kids aged 17, 16, 15, 13, and 12. You don't really get more "teenagey" than that. And that doesn't even include the 6 other kids and their lives and activities. (The people involved in this convo have 2 and 3 kids). But guess what? We had FHE. Every. Monday. Night. And it wasn't just a quick 20 minute lesson while we were all home during dinner. It was an evening. Sometimes a kid had to work until 5 and sometimes a kid had to go to work at 8. But it was an evening. We ate together, sang together, talked together, planned together, played together, worked together. All while 6 teenagers resided in the home. And we weren't uninvolved in school or academics. We all did sports, had jobs, took piano lessons, etc. If we could manage, so can you.
Third of all, when you have teenagers, YOU ARE STILL THE PARENT. Perhaps this is my most important point. There comes a time when kids have to make the majority of their decisions. And that's great. But choosing not to be present for an evening mandated by God through his prophets is not a valid option. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO TELL YOUR TEENAGER "NO." And you have to! Be a parent. You aren't a friend. You aren't a confidant. Though you can be those things to an extent. You are an authority. You are the PARENT. Act like it.
Fourth, a point from the talk given in my ward yesterday that stuck with me: if it is important to you, you will make it happen. If following the prophet and having FHE are important enough to you, they are possible. You will make it happen. You will sacrifice and work until you are perfect at it. We can't be perfect people. But we can be perfect at FHE.
A particularly poignant couple of paragraphs from the talk linked above:
While you are working to strengthen your family and cultivate peace, remember this third tool: weekly family home evening. Be cautious not to make your family home evening just an afterthought of a busy day. Decide that on Monday night your family will be together at home for the evening. Do not let employment demands, sports, extracurricular activities, homework, or anything else become more important than that time you spend together at home with your family.
The structure of your evening is not as important as the time invested. The gospel should be taught both formally and informally. Make it a meaningful experience for each member of the family. Family home evening is a precious time to bear testimony in a safe environment; to learn teaching, planning, and organizational skills; to strengthen family bonds; to develop family traditions; to talk to each other; and more important, to have a marvelous time together!
-"Make the Exercise of Faith Your First Priority" by Elder Richard G. Scott in Oct. 2014
I absolutely LOVE this. Family Home Evening isn't an afterthought. It is the point of Monday night. I'm not perfect. I probably won't always be perfect at FHE. But the excuse certainly isn't going to be "I have teenagers." Because, despite the ages, activities, and attitudes of my teenagers, we are a family. And as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
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