Today I Broke a Rule...

It could be said that I am an honor code nazi (sorry if using that term offends you). I like rules. Rules make things safe. Rules are comfortable. Rules make decisions easier. Heavenly Father has rules. The United States has rules. My mom has rules. BYU-Idaho has rules. I like them. I follow them. 

Whelp...today I broke a rule. This week is the Patriots and Pioneers concert on campus. Which means that it is 1 of 3 weeks in the year referred to as "hell week" by Scott and I. It entails near twenty hours of overtime and late night rehearsals every night of the week. This time, Scott is lucky enough to have a short dinner break each night. Since we live 10 minutes from campus, that 20 minute commute (rough, huh?) cuts into a 40 minute dinner break pretty heavily. So tonight I decided to just picnic with him. That way we could show up right when dinner started and leave when it ended and snag those 40 minutes back! 

I frantically got the kids loaded up around 4. I'd promised a trip to the library. In the back of my mind was also the whole "I'm out of milk but if I go to the store I have to take 4 kids" debacle. I grabbed extra undies and shorts for Grace (which I've never used, the girl refuses to pee her pants). You know, just in case. And the diaper bag...formula, bottle of hot water (heated extra hot and stuck in an insulated pouch because Ethan detests room temp formula), diapers, wipes, etc. Shoes for 3 kids. Not just shoes, mind you, but the matching pairs. :) You get the idea. A zillion things running through my mind that are associated with leaving the house with 4 kids. 

Got in the car, conquered the library, picked up Little Caesars, pulled into the parking lot on campus, and then... *gasp*... the realization that I am wearing capris hits me. Those of you who know anything about BYU-Idaho have heard all about the terrible rules. No shorts, no flip flops, skirts to the knee, no beards, no leggings, no patched or torn jeans, etc. Seriously. How dare they ask us to dress like professionals while attending college? And the Nazi in me debated not even getting out of the car. But, I realized, I'd made a mistake. I forgot. I wasn't going into any buildings and my husband is stuck here for 12+ hours today and this is all I get. So I just thought, this once, screw it.

Seriously people. I felt so guilty! I know better. I know the rules. And I was breaking them. And more than that, I had agreed to the dress and grooming standards on campus for the duration of my husband's employment. I was seriously mortified!

I expected to sit in some obscure corner where I didn't think anyone would see me and just blend into the grass, cross-legged, hoping no one would notice my complete disregard for everything I stand for.

But guess what? I fit. right. in. While observing for 40 minutes, Scott and I counted 24 girls, 21 of whom were not dressed to the BYU-Idaho dress code. All wearing backpacks. All obviously students. And I'm not even talking like, "oh, they tried but barely missed the mark." I'm talking like, "Holy crap, what is she wearing?!" 

Now. I get it. The honor code isn't "technically" the church standards. I'm not accusing these girls of being sluts or dressing inappropriately as far as traditional modesty goes. I'm strictly listing violations of the honor code.

• Pants rolled into capris
• Skirts mid-thigh and one shorter
• Straight up hole-in-the-knee pants
• A pair of pants that was pretty much completely covered in frayed patches
• A slit that showed the lady's undies (keep in mind Mormon undies are not your traditional panties)

And the list goes on. I get it. Capris don't make someone immodest. That's not what this is about. This is about character. This is about reading a document, signing it, and then completely disregarding it. 

Where I expected to feel like the odd one out (and rightly so, I was so disappointed in myself), I felt like one of the bunch. Twenty-one of twenty-four women who walked by me had disregarded their personal commitment to the institution that is paying for half of their education and straight-up ignored the rules. Now, let's give the benefit of the doubt to a couple of them because, who knows, they could have forgotten like I did. But still. That percentage is pretty awful.

And that's the problem with my generation. We don't value honesty and integrity. We can say we do all we want, but as soon as there is a rule that doesn't fit our needs or that isn't enforced, we just straight up don't follow it. These girls all signed the honor code, promising to live it. And none of them are. 

And, while I sat there, another thought occurred to me. Nobody is teaching them the importance of this. No one is holding them accountable. I realize ultimately we aren't accountable to man, but sheesh, help some kids out! Professors and campus employees! Wake up! Expect your students and employees to honor their word. And call them out when they don't so they realize that it's important! I'm not claiming complete innocence, but teach us! Show them that their honesty and integrity means something to someone!

So what? I know half of you reading this are just thinking I'm crazy and that this is such a small problem and why do I care what the girls are wearing on campus. Well. True. It is a comparably small problem. But think about it. This small problem isn't the diagnosis. It's a symptom. It's a symptom of a disease called entitlement. Entitlement, this attitude of "I can do whatever I want," "my actions only affect me and I should be able to do whatever I want, "It's nobody else's business what I do or how I dress." And that disease is kind of scary. It's the plague of my generation. 

Entitlement starts small. It starts with disobeying the honor code and disregarding my commitment to dress professionally and modestly. And then it leads to moral relativism. It leads to an attitude of something for nothing. It leads to unhappiness. It leads to dependence. It leads to ignorance. Now, I'm not saying that every one of those 21 year old girls is going to become an entitled member of society who mooches off of the government and doesn't believe rules apply to them. But if they're willing to compromise their integrity, then what else are they willing to compromise? (And yes, I realize I was totally wearing capris today, and as previously stated, I felt AWFUL).

Seriously I will never stop being disappointed in this aspect of BYU-Idaho. It's getting worse all the time. When I graduated 4 years ago, you noticed the girls who weren't dressed to the honor code because they stood out like sore thumbs. Now it's the other way around! Where I should have felt out of place and like the odd man out, I felt right at home. And that was unsettling to me.

Next time, I'm sitting across the street on the sidewalk. Because I never want to look like someone who doesn't keep commitments. Someone who thinks rules don't apply to me. 

And to the girls who were dressed to the honor code: thank you. There aren't enough of you. It was very refreshing and such a relief to see you after the 21 other girls! Thank you for your integrity and your honor. It meant something to me today.