What I'll Teach My Children

Talking behind other peoples' backs does nothing for you. Ever. It doesn't matter where you are on the totem pole. There's this huge myth that so many people believe and it is this: When I talk badly about someone it makes me look good. That is a lie. Pure and simple. Talking poorly about other people doesn't cement good friendships for a person. It doesn't make you look better than anyone else. I want to be dang sure that my children understand this concept. So this is what I'm going to teach them.

It doesn't matter who you are.
It doesn't matter if you are the meager, entry level employee or the manager of an entire department. It doesn't matter if you are near perfect or completely flawed. You are never good enough to treat other people poorly, and certainly behind their backs.

Talking behind other peoples' backs does not make you smart friends.
When you say unkind things about others, even if they are true, to smart people, they do not feel privileged to have that knowledge. They don't feel special that you chose to share this or that with them. That's how dumb people feel. Smart people realize that if you are talking smack behind someone else's back, you are likely doing the very same thing to them. They don't trust you. They don't tell you important things. They don't feel like they're your special buddy. They don't respect you.

Treating others poorly does not a leader make.
If you ever have a chance to lead a team or a group, please, please, please, do not ever say rude things about one group member to another. For one things, as a leader, you are privileged to information that is your business and yours alone. If you want your team to work together and do it well, the only words you should say about one team member to another should be positive. This accomplishes two things: 1. team members learn to recognize good things about their coworkers/group members and, therefore, work well with them, and 2. your team members trust that you won't broadcast their flaws to everyone they know. If you do choose to talk others down, you'd better know that your team members, if they are smart, do not respect or look up to you. They learn to see the flaws in other people. They quit working well together because they stop respecting one another. They are afraid to approach you because they know you won't respect confidentiality. And before you know it, you've lost your ability to lead. Because they don't want to follow someone like you. Saying unkind things about those you are a steward over is probably the worst thing you can do to establish friendship and team-worthy behavior.

People don't appreciate negativity.
Nobody likes a Johnny Raincloud. When you say negative things about people to others, those pepole quit wanting to be around you. Because you haven't learned the first lesson in human relationships: If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all. :)

Don't. Just don't.