But that is not our lot in this life. It is our lot to worry and wait and stress and complain. OR it is our lot to put our trust in the one person who does know everything. And that, my friends, is quite possibly the hardest challenge I've every faced.
Those who know me know that I am one of the least flexible people alive. I don't do things last minute and I don't go flying blind. I like black and white. I like rules. I thrive on rules and plans and so on. People who live those worry free and spontaneous lifestyles freak me out. You'll play it by ear?! Kill me now! I have plans. Lists. Spreadsheets. You laugh. But I'm serious. Deadly.
However, the last two and a half years, I have learned a very valuable lesson. We've been waiting. And waiting. And waiting. I'm not at liberty to publish what for, but I can say that it's not a baby and we aren't moving :) Don't you love how cryptic that is? I do. And all the sudden I understand people who post things on Facebook like "feeling angry" but never explain. So to all you people, back at you!
Anyway, back to the point. We've been told one thing, led to believe another thing, then forgotten about. And then back to the thinking one thing, having a plan, and then that plan being obliterated by a million arrows that are not only being shot at lightning speed, but they're on fire too!
And through this process, I've gone through so. many. phases. The excited "it's gonna happen!" phase to the "this is never gonna happen" phase to the "I'm so dang mad this hasn't happened yet" to the "I hate the person changing all these plans" phase to the "I don't even care anymore, I can't think about it" phase and so on and so forth. And then back to the beginning and all around.
Finally, the last couple of months, we decided on a plan. We would wait. We would trust that our work and efforts would pay off and that the Lord would take care of us. We'd said that before but I think this time we really believed it. I still had days when I complained or got frustrated, but overall we decided that we would wait and take action at a certain, decided upon point if need be.
And guess what?
Miracle of miracles, we got what we were waiting for. And ya know what? I think it came at exactly the right time. There are so many factors that play in to this very complex web, but the emotions and feelings and promptings I have been having have made me ready for this. They have made me mature enough and wise enough (I hope) for this.
And ya know the funny thing? Heavenly Father knew it. The whole time. And instead of trusting and waiting, I let myself be upset and angry. There were times when I was so mad I was miserable. I just wanted to know. Scott always told me things would work out and that we just needed to be patient. But I didn't listen. I wanted to know the plan. It frustrated me to no end that I didn't. I wanted to know when and how and who would play a role. I wanted to know everything.
And now, this thing has happened and I am so grateful. The trial has strengthened my husband and I and taught me some very valuable and personal lessons. And the Lord knew it all along. So, would it be nice to know the plan? To know not only that things will be fine but also know when and how? Yup. Sure would.
But do you know what's even nicer? Trusting in the one being who does know those things and letting the worry slip away. That's even nicer. Besides, I'll have all eternity to know everything. Maybe...
Well said, Shiloh. A good lesson for all of us to learn.
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