Aw, pregnancy. It's the most beautiful and natural thing in the world. There's nothing that can make you feel so happy and content as to know that you are creating a little body with the love of your life and bringing one of Heavenly Father's children into this world. However, if we're being completely honest, there's also nothing quite like it that will change you into a completely different (and maybe certifiably insane) version of yourself. Sure, it's beautiful and natural and sacred as you join with Heavenly Father to create a body for one of His children so that spirit can come one step closer to becoming like their Heavenly Father. There's nothing like feeling those sweet kicks and getting to know a very real and living person before anyone else gets the chance. There's nothing in the world like it. On the flip side, there's nothing like your hormones conspiring with Satan to bring your whole world crashing down!
Again. I'm being honest here...The last few weeks have been...rough. I've been a grouchy mom. I've been a grouchy wife. I've been a total slacker. I've gotten really huge, which makes me pretty grouchy. I haven't been the best friend because I've been too wrapped up in my own little world. In short, I've not been "myself."
Yesterday I went over to a friend's house because she was having a rough day. I thought I would go and help her to feel better by offering whatever advise I had or just lending an ear. Oh, and of course bringing her some pumpkin chapstick because she loves pumpkin and who doesn't love chapstick? Though I did rescue her husband from having to come home and kill a spider by sucking it up with a vacuum, she definitely helped me more than I helped her. I totally unloaded on her. About how overwhelmed I feel by my three kids and the never ending battle of trying to keep the house clean that I have lately abandoned because, well, I just didn't' feel like it. Maybe it was that she was in her pajamas or that I saw her house not perfectly clean (cuz ya know, there was like 5 pieces of yarn on the floor), but I felt super vulnerable and I felt the Spirit so strongly talking with her. And I realized something. I'm losing my crap! And I gotta get it together because in four weeks I am going to have four kids and, let's face it, life isn't getting any easier any time soon.
I realized that most of the things that have me down and out are my own dang fault. So you feel fat? Get your butt on an afternoon walk and quit eating ice cream for lunch. Your house is a mess? Suck it up and spend half an hour after the kids are asleep to pick it up. You feel terrible for not cooking a real meal for a while? Make a list of yummy food and put on a show for the kids and make it!
While being a mom is the most challenging thing I've ever done, it's also the most rewarding. And like everything else worth doing or having, it is what you make of it. So I'm going to make it better. I'm going to quit being grouchy. I'm going to kick Satan's trash. Because my family is worth it. My home is worth it. I'm worth it.
I would also be remiss if I didn't throw in a quit shout out to my husband. He's my rock. He doesn't tell me I'm being a grouchy brat. He genuinely thinks I'm sexy (yeah, I don't get it either). He NEVER complains about pizza rolls for dinner again (in fact, he asks for them because he knows they're easy, and also delicious) and he NEVER utters a word about the state of the house when he gets home. He gets up with the kids at 6:30 so that I can sleep until 7. He tells me every day that he loves me. He vacuums, sweeps and mops because he knows those things hurt my back. He loves me no matter what. And he deserves the world. But since I can't give him that, I'll settle for making him real food and making his bed :)
Also, my sister has been in town going to school and I am going to cry every day when she leaves me in December. She cleans my kitchen and loves my kids and laughs at my jokes and doesn't judge me.
In short, I'm one lucky girl. Pregnancy has a weird way of making me forget that sometimes. But no more. No more putting the kids to bed and falling on the bed, vowing to not lift another finger until the morning. No more complaining. No more excuses. I'm going to get to work. If I can't hack it now, I'll never be able to once I throw in another human. So here's to this week. Get it together Shiloh!
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