Ambivalent

I am having a baby in less than 2 weeks. I'm both excited and anxious. I'm both terrified and confident. I go back and forth every day. Today after working in the yard and playing with the kids all day, I cannot wait to not be pregnant anymore and to be able to run across the yard like a normal person and not a fat pregnant whale. I can't wait to be able to get up and down lightning fast! I can't wait to be able to lay on my stomach again.
But Thursday morning as I loaded my two kids in the car in a hurry after pulling them out of bed after a sleepless night to get me to my OB appt. on time I was definitely terrified of having one more little body to change, dress, and feed. Screw dressing, I didn't even dress my other two. They accompanied me in their PJ's.
This pregnancy has been physically really easy. I haven't gained much weight. I haven't been sick on a consistent basis at any time in my pregnancy. I haven't gotten any new stretch marks. My back didn't start hurting until 34 weeks. I still don't get up to use the restroom at night. I've been really tired, but who isn't when you are chasing the two lives you've already created while you're busy making a third? So I'm not so physically fed up with being pregnant as I was with my other two. It's actually gone by really fast.
I'm super stoked to meet my little Katie Grace, or as Addy calls her, "Baby Gwace." I want to go through the process of giving birth. With Addy I hated it, but with Ellie it was perfection. I mean, it was great with Addy don't get me wrong, but without an epidural and after 12 hours of labor and 2 of pushing, I was less than thrilled. With Ellie it was 100% better. And I am so excited to use the things I've learned to make this one even better. I love going to the hospital with the man of my dreams and coming home with the baby that we made together and have been anticipating for 9 months.
But at the same time, after 4 days, Scott will leave me at home with those beautiful spirits we've housed in beautiful bodies...alone. Ok, I know. My mom has 14 kids so I should totally be able to handle 3. Yeah. I'm not my mom! lol. What if Addy has to go potty while I'm nursing? What if Ellie falls and gets hurt at the same time as Addy is brushing her teeth and the baby is hungry and crying? What if, heaven forbid, this baby doesn't sleep like my other two did? What if she gets up every two hours and then I still have to get up at the crack of dawn with my other two? What if I get mastitis 6 times like I did with Ellie? Who's going to hold down the fort while I'm going through that personal heck? (Oh, right...I'm the mom. I will be). What if I run out of milk? If I bring all 3 kids to the store, I will have no room for groceries. Not to mention the gargantuan feat of getting 3 kids ready and out the door and then into a cart and through the store without a total meltdown on one of our parts? How am I going to give all three kids the attention they need or, for Addy and Ellie, used to? I'm seriously a little more than nervous to be momma to 3 kids.
Anyway, I just wanted to record how I am feeling about this baby right now. And I think ambivalent is the perfect word. A little of this and a little of that. But we are getting closer! Less than two weeks! And guess what? I'm pretty sure I'm gonna love it. I just hope that my pretty sure is pretty right :)