Controversial, But I Can't Help Myself...

I recently read an article about why children turn out the way they do that has been going around on Facebook. I should stop reading such articles. Because they make me think and dwell on something until I have formed a very strong opinion about it. The article I read can be found here. The part I would like to focus on is as follows:
It appears that 50% of what causes a youth to turn out the way he or she does as an adult is based on the quality of his or her spirit before he or she is born.

25% is based on the environment the youth grows up in.  Whether it is ancient Egypt, Jerusalem in the middle of time, modern Afghanistan, or modern Utah.  This 25% includes genetic and biological issues as well. 

And the final 25% is split in half by the primary mother figure and the primary father figure.  In other words, you have about 12.5% influence on the way your youth turns out.

As you can probably guess, I have an issue with this theory. Now let me state: I am by no means an expert. By no means. But I am observant. And I am a parent. Of a 2 year old, I realize, but a parent none the less. I also am the oldest of 14 kids. Now don't anybody go jumping down my throat for claiming that 100% of how a kid turns out is on the parents' shoulders. But I am absolutely convinced that it's a heck of a lot more than 12.5%. To be honest, I feel that this is what Satan wants us to believe. That we are next to irrelevant in our child's lives and how they turn out. That we are not in any way responsible for how our children turn out. That we, as parents, aren't all that important. I've spent quite some time reading articles and talks about motherhood. And I also studied family studies and child development as my major in college. So, while I have not worked in the field, I do have some background knowledge.

Now let me share some examples that I have seen in my life, like this man shares in his article. I have a friend from high school who was having problems with her boys. They were unruly and unkind. They were selfish and needy. They were 8 and 6. She didn't enjoy being a mother and felt she was a failure at it. Then she started attending church. It wasn't even an LDS church, mind you. But she started to teach her boys about Christ. She started to teach them about kindness and hold them responsible for their actions. She started to be a parent. And guess what? Those boys are only 2 years older now, and could still turn out to be delinquents I suppose, but they are now kind. They don't fight with one another or other kids at school. They are getting better grades and making better choices. I don't believe that this is only 12.5% because of what my friend did. This mother changed her parenting and, in so doing, changed her kids.

Now let me here acknowledge agency. We've always had it. Heavenly Father, being the perfect parent, lost some of his children to Satan and his teachings before this world was created. So are we 100% in charge of how our kids turn out? No. Are there faithful and good parents whose children are split in their obedience to the gospel? Yes. Absolutely. So with that being said, let me emphasize here that I am simply saying that as a mother, I certainly have more effect on my child than does their physical environment. And I believe I can also influence the condition of that child's spirit. Isn't that our job? I do not believe that children come as they come and there's nothing I can do about it. I believe that they do come with their own personality and temperament, but that I can shape them and help them to reach their potential. I have a brother who hates school. That's how he came. He used to hide behind our house rather than go to school, in fact. But my wise mother taught him the importance of education. She focused her efforts on talking with his teachers and finding ways to help him enjoy learning. She held him accountable for his grades and his report cards. She helped with homework when it was necessary and made sure that it got done. And guess what? That brother has always had good grades. He has to work harder than some of my other siblings. But he did it. So here's my question to you: would he have, as a five year old, decided that school was important and a worth while use of time? I can guarantee you he would not have. But because of his mother, his attitude changed and his behavior changed.

I realize that is a temporal example. So what about things spiritual? It doesn't matter how much you cram the gospel into their minds. They must accept it. They must gain their own testimonies. But I accept that I have more than 12.5% effect on whether or not they choose to do this. And I believe that the general authorities believe this too. And that the scriptures teach it. This man, in his article, refers to Alma the younger and states that, despite the efforts of his father, he had a long period of delinquency. But let's read what Alma the Younger said, in his own words while counseling his son, Helaman, from Alma 36:

 16 And now, for three days and for three nights was I racked, even with the ^apains of a ^bdamned soul.

 17 And it came to pass that as I was thus ^aracked with torment, while I was ^bharrowed up by the ^cmemory of my many sins, behold, I^dremembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.

 18 Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, ^ahave mercy on me, who am ^binthe ^cgall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting^dchains of ^edeath.

 19 And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my^apains ^bno more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.

Now, notice that he said that when we was racked with torment, what did he think about? He thought about his father's teachings. And remembered how to repent, which was something his father had taught him. I venture to say that these teachings and the diligence of his father had more than 12.5% effect on Alma's life.

Another example lies in Helaman's stripling warriors. Alma 56:

 48 And they rehearsed unto me the words of their ^amothers, saying: We ^bdo not doubt our mothers knew it.

These young men went into battle without fear. Were their spirits valiant? Yes. Before they came to earth were their spirits more valiant than my children's' spirits? No, I do not believe so. They remained valiant and true because their mothers taught them. They were faithful because of their mothers. Sounds like more than 12.5% to me.

Now let's read some quotes from modern day prophets and apostles. I truly think they credit parents more than a combined 25%. But you be the judge.
In April 2010, Elder L. Tom Perry said, in his address titled "Mothers Teaching Children in the Home":
Teaching in the home is becoming increasingly important in today’s world, where the influence of the adversary is so widespread and he is attacking, attempting to erode and destroy the very foundation of our society, even the family. Parents must resolve that teaching in the home is a most sacred and important responsibility. While other institutions, such as church and school, can assist parents to “train up a child in the way he [or she] should go” (Proverbs 22:6), ultimately this responsibility rests with parents. According to the great plan of happiness, it is parents who are entrusted with the care and development of our Heavenly Father’s children. Our families are an integral part of His work and glory—“to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39). On God’s eternal stage, it is usually intended that parents act as the central cast members in their children’s lives.
"...ultimately this responsibility rests with parents." It is our job and our duty to teach our children.

In the August 2004 Ensign, President James E. Faust stated:
I also believe that there is no greater good in all the world than motherhood. The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is beyond calculation. 
Did you read that? A mother's influence is beyond calculation. Beyond calculation. And, I would venture to guess, beyond 12.5%. I believe that it is Satan who would have us believe that our role is measly. That we have virtually no influence over how our children turn out.

In my own life, I have parents who teach the gospel actively in our home. My father is an amazing teacher and has helped me to develop my testimony of Christ. My mother's example in supporting her husband in church callings also helped me to develop a testimony and appreciation for the gospel and the blessings that come from living it. Now, as an adult, I am an active member of the church and have an ever-growing testimony of the gospel. Does that mean my spirit was/is more valiant than my friends who struggle? I don't believe so.

In his article, the man states that parenting is more about our own development than our child's. I do agree with this statement. Nothing brings a husband and wife closer or a husband/wife closer to the Lord than partnering with him to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. But this is only half the story.

Even in the studies done by non-LDS entities, fathers have been proven to be essential to the well-being of children in general. This is not to say a single mother cannot hack it. I just listened to Elder Oaks give a devotional here at BYU-I. He was raised by a single mom. Wow. She did a stellar job. And he credits her for it, by the way. But in general, as proven by studies today, children who grow up without fathers are more likely to serve jail time, more likely to do poorly in school, more likely to become abusive, and the list goes on and on. Now this is a general statement, so there are, of course, exceptions. But are you really going to look me in the eye and tell me that my husband only has 12.5% effect on how our kids turn out? I would probably try to be nice to you, but you'd be able to tell on my face (my husband tells me I suck at hiding my feelings) that I think you're dead wrong.

Numerous studies have also shown that children who grow up in abusive homes are far more likely to then turn around and repeat the cycle. There's a whole chapter on it in our child development books. Are you really going to tell me that these children are simply less valiant in spirit than others who grow up in loving homes? I hope not.

I think I've hounded my point enough. While there are other influences in our children's' lives, it is "ultimately" our responsibility. We should be the influence in our children's lives that guide them and influence them. And guess what? That means not being lazy. Today, I was a lazy mom. Addy was whiny and defiant all day and I just ignored it half the time and the other half I was frustrated. I let her watch more TV than usual just to keep her out of my hair. And maybe I feel guilty and that's why I'm writing this :S What I should have done was snuggle her and read with her. Listen to what she wanted and explain why it's not okay to eat two suckers before breakfast rather than telling her no and telling her to cry in her room. Wow. I'm sounding like an awful mom. It's not always like this. It was just a really bad day! Anyway, we can't be lazy. We have to be courageous. One of my favorite talks of all time, "Courageous Parenting" can be found here. In it, he discusses how we are responsible to do the hard thing rather than the easy thing. We are responsible, in part, for choosing what influences our child has in their lives. We need to tell them "no" when they are 14 and want to date. We need to enforce our rules diligently. We need to teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves until their poor choices require us to step in. We need to be the bad guy. We can't be their besties. It's not our job. Our job is to protect them from harmful influences. Our job is to teach them righteousness. And if they then stray when they no longer live in our house and we cannot control them or their choices, our job is to pray for them and encourage them to come back to the fold. The angel who appeared to Alma the younger told him that it was because of his father's prayer and fasting that the Lord had sent him. So even then, Alma's father was having an effect. And having an angel show up and induce the three days that Alma the Younger went through next sure sounds like more than 12.5% to me.

I don't want to make myself over important. I'm not declaring myself almighty and saying that I will insure that my children turn out 100% righteous. They do have their agency. I am, again, simply stating that this whole 25% shared responsibility thing is a bunch of bunk. Parents are more relevant than that when we take responsibility for teaching and instructing and disciplining our children.

Valentines Day and Phone Pics

We had a wonderful Valentines Day. Growing up, my mom always did the 12 days of Valentines for my dad, and I am carrying on that tradition. So each day for 12 days, Scott got a little gift from me. Caffeine free pepsi, jolly ranchers, peanut m&m's, etc. I also got him a heavy duty ice cream scooper because he broke mine and told me that he didn't want another one like that because it would break. I also got one of his work shirts embroidered with the school's logos so that when he's backstage dumb students that work for center stage don't tell him that he shouldn't be there...apparently he looks young? Unfortunately, I did the wrong logo...but he says it still works because it separates him from random people...oops. I accidentally had them put the stage crew logo of the a/v productions one. Same thing, really. But I was still mad :/
I got to be in charge of dinner this year, so we made homemade pizza and had strawberry ice cream. Daddy brought the girls home chocolates and a bouquet of suckers. He brought me chocolate and some really fun earrings since I can't really wear dangly ones without Ellie tearing them out. They were hearts and flowers and are darling. Wednesday he brought me my favorite flowers, daffodils and lunch :) It was really nice.

 Also, we had two surprise visitors! Raccoons. You can see their eyes, but we couldn't get any better a picture. Those things are WAY huger than I thought. And they also move kinda slow. Unless you're scaring them, I guess. Addy loved shining the flashlight and watching their eyes glow. It was pretty cool. I let Lola out later that night lol.

 Sunday, Ellie wore the Valentines Day dress. She was a total grouch. This was literally the ONLY picture I could get. Gee, thanks Elise...

 For Valentines day, (but mostly because I wanted to) I bought the girls matching outfits. They were only $3 at Walmart! They looked darling modeling them for me :) And the dresser in the background is the one I redid for their room. Love these two!

 I am so grateful for February. I love spending the time thinking of ways to serve my husband more than usual. I like going above and beyond to let him know I appreciate and love him. I love how excited my kids get to make heart cookies and color butterflies made out of hearts. I just love love. And I have so much of it to be grateful for.

Now for some fun pictures off of my phone :) I got an iPhone a while ago, and it is usually closer than the camera, so if I need a quick shot, I use it. But I only transfer pics to the computer when my phone fills up...so here's a look back at the last month or so :)

 Look who learned to sit at the table correctly?! And does it quite frequently, and then looks at me and smiles as if to say, "I'm so big!"

 After once cutting onions with mom, Addy insists on wearing the onion glasses every time we cook. Also, this is her "tangled dress." It's the first thing she asks for in the morning and the nightly cause of a fit when we have to put jammies on. I have to sneak and wash it every once in a while, but it keeps her real clothes nice and clean.

 One day we were going to meet dad for lunch and this was Addy's idea of a fashion statement...love my little hat girl.

 I did a hot chocolate bar for scott's home teaching families. It was really fun and we got to know some great people in our ward. I always see these on pinterest and decided to give it a try. Definitely more for looks than real use, but it was fun anyway. And those rice crispie treats were seriously the best thing ever. And I mean, ever.
1/2 cup butter (the real kind)
1 16 oz bag mallows
drop of almond extract
8 cups cereal

 Painting nails for V day

 One day, Addy left her whales out. Ellie found them and promptly got them down, opened the box, and started chowing down. It was cute :)

 Dancing in the kitchen while mommy cleaned. Addy was sure Ellie was modeling a tutu, just like her big sister.

 My Valentines flowers

 Learning all about the ladder...

 The girls made cards for daddy :)

 Saturday we took the kids to a pool in Idaho Falls. It was great and they both loved it. Addy asks me every single day if we can so swimming after lunch. I wish we could.

Have a good week everyone!

Be Still My Heart...

This girl is absolutely gorgeous. I love her to death. That is all.

Motherhood, the Greatest Teacher

This last week I have spent quite a lot of time reflecting on motherhood. And all that comes with it. When we were engaged, I had an unbelievable amount of people tell me that we should wait at least a year before having kids. They said that we needed that time to get to know one another and figure out ourselves as a couple before complicating the matter with pregnancies and children. They would tell me how hard having kids is (because I apparently struck people as having no clue?). They said newborns are hard and you'll never get a wink of sleep and you'll be hormonal and have so many challenges, etc. While I freely admit that I am no expert and that it is none of my business when other couples have children, I am pretty pro on my own life and feelings. I knew that Scott was going to be the father of my children. I didn't choose him for me, though he is perfect for me in every way. I didn't choose the perfect romancer or the most into sports or the most into appearances and image. I chose a man who I knew was selfless. I chose a man who I knew I wanted as a father to my children. And I was choosing to marry him. The idea that we needed a year to "get to know one another" was kind of a silly one, to be frank. That's what dating is for. And we did that. For an entire year.
By the time we got married, we knew what we wanted for our life together. We knew we wanted a large family. We knew that it would be a sacrifice. We knew that it would be hard. I grew up with 14 kids. I was no stranger to the fact that parenthood is the hardest, most taxing task that Heavenly Father has given us. However, we also knew that from those struggles come the greatest blessings, in this life and in the eternities. So why wait?
So we had Addy. And it was the best decision we ever made. And a close second and third are Ellie and Baby Carter #3.

That being said, motherhood has taught me quite a lot about myself. To the people who talked about how hard newborns are...toddlers are so. much. harder. It's easy to be patient with a child whose only complaints in life are hunger or discomfort. It's much less easy to be patient with the child who checks to see if you're looking before doing something they know they shouldn't, just to turn around and check if you're going to do something about it. It's much easier to care for the needs of an infant who simply needs a diaper as opposed to a toddler who needs to be taught right from wrong and how to love others and how to follow Christ. If I've ever felt inadequate, it's now. When Addy tells me that no, she will not be eating her dinner, a million questions come through my mind. As I'm saying, "Fine, then I guess you don't get brownies" I am also thinking, "is it really worth the fight? Just give the girl a brownie. Maybe she isn't hungry, am I forcing her to eat more than she needs? If I don't make her eat her dinner now, is she going to eat it when she's 10? Is this going to be a power struggle for the rest of my life?" And I have. no. clue. And that's just food. Imagine my brain when she tells me she doesn't want to obey or she doesn't want to follow Jesus (which she only says when she wants to watch a movie on Sunday and I won't let her lol). Being the parent kinda...stinks. I mean, you're in charge now. You're the one solely (with your spouse) responsible for how this kid turns out. Yes, they have their own agency, but you are the one responsible to teach them how to use it. Quite frankly, it scares the living daylights out of me. Motherhood has taught me that I am inadequate.
Now that sounds bad. I don't mean inadequate like worthless. I just mean ... humbled? I realize that I can't do it on my own. Nobody can. And that's ok. Because I don't even have to. Motherhood has taught me to rely on Christ and the Spirit. Even if it's the middle of the night and I think I hear a kid start to cry and I pray, "Please, I need sleep. I can't do tomorrow without sleep." And sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. But you know what? I always make it through "tomorrow." Motherhood has taught me reliance on the Lord.
Motherhood has taught me patience. And continues to. And also the consequences of foregoing patience altogether, which are none too fun. About the third time I rinse out wet undies, my brain starts to implode. When I'm trying to use the restroom and one kid is screaming outside the door and the other is dumping out the cereal, my wits start to fray. Sometimes, I choose to be patient and help the child sweep up the cereal while letting the unhappy one eat if off the floor. And sometimes I snap and they both end up in their rooms for a two minute breather. And once in a while, I even yell. But when do I feel happy? When I feed Ellie cereal off the floor while helping Addy sweep it into a vacuumable pile. Patience is an attribute of God. And that's what we are striving for, right? Motherhood is teaching me patience.
Motherhood is teaching me love. The purest, simplest, yet most profound kind of love. Unconditional and constant. Even on the days when the hour before bedtime is the longest I've yet experienced, after the kids are in bed and the ice cream is eaten, I find myself telling Scott all the cute things Addy said that day. Or watching old videos and thinking that I can't go another ten minutes let alone a night without seeing those girls.
This is only the beginning of a very long list. And I mean, a list so long that no journal or blog could ever hold it, no matter how much blogger storage you buy. But these are perhaps the most important things that motherhood is instilling in me currently. Humility, patience, and love unfeigned.

So, to those who suggest to young couples to wait to have kids: don't. It's none of your business. Because for us, it was the best thing we could have done. It was what the Lord wanted for us. It was what we knew was right for our family. It breaks my heart that people advised us against the most pure and bonding experience we've had as a couple. I don't care how long we waited, I could never have grown to love Scott more than I did in the 12 hours before Addy came into this world. And again with Ellie (only that was 6 hours and much more beautiful thanks to modern medicine and an epidural that worked). Our children have made our marriage stronger. Motherhood has made me a more attentive and loving wife. Certainly more appreciative of the things Scott does.
Now just to be clear, I'm not perfect. Far from it. I'm stepping on cereal and puddles of who-knows-what just like every other mom in the world. But I can see the fruits of my labors. I know that my children will be with us forever if we sacrifice and work enough. I know that obedience to the Lord's commandments brings happiness. And when I get to a day where I just can't handle anymore and I'm going to explode, I try hard to remember that. And guess what? It helps.

Do I Even Dare?

Okay, I'm not even posting a link to this post on Facebook because I don't want to cause an uproar. I don't care who reads it or who doesn't (although there are some people I'd probably rather didn't). I just want to write this down so I can remember it. So I can reason through my own ideas. If it offends you, I seriously DO NOT want to hear about it. If you think I'm wrong, let the Spirit and life (or my mother lol) correct me. You don't need to. 

The subject is modesty. A while ago I read an article by a bishop about why women need to dress modestly. His synopsis was that women are responsible for men's immoral thoughts and actions. He came off very strong, and I didn't think he was very tactful. But I did not disagree with what he said either. Women were outraged that he would dare suggest that they are responsible for men's thoughts and actions. I've spent a very significant amount of time thinking about this.

Lds.org says the following about modesty: 

Our clothing expresses who we are. It sends messages about us, and it influences the way we and others act. When we are well groomed and modestly dressed, we can invite the companionship of the Spirit and exercise a good influence on those around us.

The message here is clear. When we dress modestly, we have the Spirit and influence others around us for good. "Our clothing...influences the way we and others act." Does it get any clearer than that? I get it. If a man has inappropriate thoughts about a woman, he is committing a sin. But is the woman completely blameless if her dress and appearance is revealing? She can influence him for good by dressing modestly, but not for bad when she chooses a more revealing style of clothing? Not buying it. 

My next thought is this. We are sexual beings. It's the natural man. It's the spiritual man. When exercised in the correct time and place, sexual relations are beautiful and pure. That is, between one man and one woman legally and lawfully married. We are created to be attracted to one another. And we know this. As women, we know what will affect men. I'm married, so I'm allowed to say this. I hope it isn't too much information. But when my husband and I settle down for a cozy date night at home (wink, wink), I don't wear baggy jeans and a t-shirt. The whole concept of lingerie proves my point. Men are visually stimulated. You can't change it. It's the way they were created. Is it their responsibility to learn to control those thoughts and urges? Absolutely. Are they responsible for any inappropriate or misplaced thoughts or hands? Yes. But the woman is not innocent. We know that when we dress less than modestly, we draw attention to those parts of our bodies that attract men. It's a no brainer, really. Show your chest and someone will take note.

One woman that I spoke with about this article (who was very upset about it and thought this bishop was psycho crazy and addicted to porn, I kid you not) said that modesty should ONLY be taught as a means of self respect. That when we dress modestly, we respect our bodies. That this is the reason for modest dress. Is this true? 100%. But is it not also true that when we dress modestly we demand respect and propriety from those around us? I think it absolutely is.

So here is my thing. I think there is nothing wrong with stating that when women dress immodestly, they are, in part, responsible for the thoughts men entertain about them. I'm sorry. But the harsh reality is, you do not get to dress for attention and then be abhorred and disgusted when you get it. You don't get to pass off blame. You don't get to act like men are solely responsible for immorality. When you walk around in dresses short enough to see up when you bend over (and I have seen plenty of them on campus and in church), you don't get to be mad when a man takes notice. When you wear a shirt that displays your breasts, you don't get to condemn the men who notice your breasts. When you...well, you get it right? 

So I think both sides of the argument are true, but they have to be used together. In my opinion, it is not okay to teach a young woman that modesty is solely to respect herself and her Heavenly Father. It is also a means of protection, for everyone involved, both the dressers and the lookers. But since I'm not the best with words, let's let lds.org say it better:
Central to the command to be modest is an understanding of the sacred power of procreation, the ability to bring children into the world. This power is to be used only between husband and wife. Revealing and sexually suggestive clothing, which includes short shorts and skirts, tight clothing, and shirts that do not cover the stomach, can stimulate desires and actions that violate the Lord's law of chastity.

Did you catch the part about what is central to the command to be modest? It's not to respect ourselves. It's to respect others. It's to avoid stimulating desires and actions that violate the Lord's law of chastity. Does modesty show respect for ourselves? Let's be clear, yes it does. And lds.org also says that. But the CENTRAL part of that commandment is to help our brothers and sisters return to live with Heavenly Father also. 

So when I teach my girls modesty, I will teach them that their bodies are sacred. That they are temples. That when they dress modestly, they show their respect of their sacred bodies to themselves and Heavenly Father. But I will also teach them that when they violate this commandment, they are, in part, responsible for the thoughts that others may have about them. You cannot dress for attention and then frown upon those who give it to you. You cannot dress for attention and then complain when you get it. Both parts are a necessary part of the command to dress modestly. 

Orange Chicken...From Scratch

Today I decided to be gutsy and try something new. Something that would take longer than half an hour. It turned out to be...an adventure. Ellie has been teething something awful. She's been up during the night, up early in the morning, taking crappy naps, etc. So I threw her in the hiking backpack and set to work. You can find the recipe here. Please excuse the name of the website...but if I'm being perfectly honest, it was :)
Hand squeezing oranges for juice was harder than I thought it would be. Especially while 22 weeks pregnant and holding a baby in front and one in back and the one in the front is kicking my bladder and the one in the back is pulling all my baby hairs that don't reach my pony tail. And the toddler is anxiously trying to "help" me with the raw chicken...
But after I got the chicken into the marinade, Scott got home for his dinner break (he's working a webcast tonight). So he took the backpack. :) And helped me fry the chicken. I forgot how much I love cooking with him. We cook together a lot, but it's usually one of us wrestling the kids and checking in on the other. Tonight was really nice. We made a new recipe, one that wasn't hard, but was new and not exactly simple. We danced around each other in the kitchen and laughed when I accidentally got a shell in the fried rice :) It was really fun. And also our kids were really good. Addy played a game on the iPad and Ellie smiled and laughed on her daddy's back. It was really nice. Anyway, here are some pictures. :)

 Sorry this picture is rotated weird. I can't figure it out and I don't want to :) But this is the finished product! It was SO yummy!

Overall. It tasted delicious! It took over an hour. So, would I do it again? Only if Scott is home and the girls are being good. Otherwise, the frozen stuff is alright... :P

Also worth noting: This week, Scott has FINALLY been able to feel the baby move! Because of the way my placenta is arranged in there, it took longer for us both to feel her. It's so special once he can feel her because then it's more real. I'm not the only one who can bond with this baby. I love waking up and having Scott tell me that in a moment of wakefulness he felt our little baby wiggle :) First because I am so glad he felt it, and second, because I am grateful that I didn't get woken up! I love it. Overall, I dislike being pregnant. Is it worth it? Of course! But I don't enjoy it. Except this part. I love this part. And I forgot how much I liked it. There's a life growing inside me. She has fingers and toes and is a playful little thing! She wiggles and dances and kicks. She plays with her chord (we watched on the ultrasound). She has a heart that beats twice as fast as mine. She has lungs and a diaphragm and a stomach and kidneys. She's a real person. And I get to carry her. I feel both incredibly blessed. And sometimes very uncomfortable :) Anyway, food and babies, babies and food. That's what you get tonight!

Blessed

When we found out we were pregnant, I so badly wanted another girl. I love that Scott refers to his family as "his girls" and I love all the bows and frills and princesses and butterflies. I love the hair and the shoes. I'm comfortable with girls. And I wanted 3 more than anything.
Then I got sad. Because I was hardly nauseated at all. Like, at all. Instead I had horrid headaches for the first 16 weeks. I have hardly had any heartburn, and with my previous two girls, I had it consistently, every day from 14 weeks on. With both girls, I felt them move by 17 weeks, and nonstop until delivery. This time, I barely started feeling movement by 20 weeks. Why does all this make me sad? Because I was positive we were having a boy. Like, totally, 100% convinced. So then, every time I saw a boy baby I tried to picture myself with one. While I was in Spokane, I grabbed some baby boy jeans and shoes at the quarter sale. And guess what? I tricked myself into wanting a boy. I wanted a boy so badly! I wanted to watch Scott wrestle with a boy and I wanted to dress him in orange. I wanted to buy new clothes and blankets. I wanted to use my mom's Noah's ark crib set that she bought when they brought Jet. I wanted a boy SO. BAD.
I seriously had ZERO question in my mind. I dreamt about our little boy and started calling the baby a he. I was in love. And then the ultra sound tech said, "It's a girl!" I was really sad at first. I had just spent at least 6 weeks becoming stoked about a boy. But after about 3 days of playing with my girls I realized how lucky I am. First of all, to be having my third baby with no complications or trouble conceiving. Secondly to be bringing girls into this world, where I can teach them to be good mothers, which is the most important calling a woman can have. So now, I am back to wanting a girl. I just can't wait!
Anyway, here are some fun pictures from our last week or two. We can't wait to welcome baby Carter #3! I have a feeling the name may be a delivery room decision as we have absolutely no ideas and I can only tell you what I hate, not what I like. :S

 Oh, also, we had the flu. It was terrible. I was the only one who didn't get it. Scott was home two days from work with fevers on and off and then my poor babies got it. Addy is the sweetest sick girl. It's such a blessing. She sleeps all night long (only waking up once for a drink and some snuggles). And she just quietly suffers through it while watching movies all day. She probably enjoys being sick. I swear I watched Toy Story 3 ("Jesse") fifty times that week. Here she is laying on my bed without a sheet because she had puked on it. The first day she felt better she told me, "Addy puked in mommy's bed. And in Addy's bed. And on the floor. And in the tub. But it's okay. You still love me." It was really sweet.

 Poor Ellie is less tolerant. She NEVER sleeps on us. But there was one day when she would ONLY sleep on me. Not even her daddy. I really rather enjoyed it.

 A friend of the family saves her little girls' clothes for me. We have really appreciated their thoughtfulness and generosity. This shirt was in the most recent box. Addy has, coincidently, been on a thing with dinos lately. She runs around roaring saying, "I'm a dinosaur!" I was her hero of the day when I found this gem :)

 Naughty baby! She has it all figured out. She knows how to climb on top, sit on the bench, and stand up to it and knock Addy's towers down, which is followed swiftly by a loud squealing that sounds like the screams of the damned on the racks of Hades. Okay, not that bad, but it gets old fast lol.

 This last week we had a day where it got over 30 degrees! So we ran outside to play!

 Lately, Addy has been super into her Hello Kitty nightgown. Like, she refuses to take it off. Ever. And if we have to leave the house and I make her change, the instant we get home she wants to put on her "pretty dress." Today I told her it had to be washed, so we found an alternative. When I put it on her she said, "I look like Tangled mommy!" and immediately found Ellie a dress and some "slippers." She, of course, wore her new shoes we found today at D.I. And her "king," which is what she calls crowns lol.

 Tonight, Daddy spent some time taping Addy's umbrella, which has been bent and broken in every place it could be. That girls loves it. Anyway, he had some left over tape. So we snapped a picture for Grandpa. Go Seahawks!

And here she is in her darned Hello Kitty dress earlier today while we played :)

Helping mommy with dinner tonight