The Relaxing Dinner Turned...Well, Not

Thursday of this week, I surprised Scott with the girls after work. We showed up with handmade cards (even Ellie colored hers!) and told him we were kidnapping him for dinner. I was really excited to not have to cook and to be able to spend time with my family not worrying about anything. And then we sat three tables down and across the way from 4 college students. Ugh. I love living in Rexburg. Love it. But I'll just be honest here. Single students bother me. They get my feathers all ruffled. From the ones that just start walking through a crosswalk while you're in your van and could reach out and touch them (didn't anyone tell you to look both ways?!) to the ones who can't seem to figure out what the phrase 'skirts and dresses must be at least knee length' to the ones who are just so ignorant and misled that it makes me cringe. Yeah. These four, three girls and a guy, were probably actively participating members in all three groups.
Now, before you think I'm judging too harshly, let me explain. The first thing I heard from one of the girls was that her mom wanted her to go to law school, but she didn't want to finish school and then have to pay a $70 fee to take the LSAT. "And," she quipped, "I already know how to argue with people." Yikes, right? There are so many things wrong with that statement. For one thing, after the thousands of dollars to complete law school, you're going to gripe about a fee that allows you to test into your career? Wow. Second, if you've ever argued with someone intelligent, you've lost.

From here on out, my thoughts will be in blue. Because it's supposedly stress relieving. :)
The next subject they start in on is modesty. Which any of you who read me already know gets me all worked up, huffing and puffing, and sometimes I just get plain mad.
So the girl begins, "I think the church is trying to teach something good, but they're (referring to the apostles) just doing it in the wrong way." She's referring to whether or not we should teach modesty as a matter of respecting and aiding in the virtue of young men. Right. I'd love to hear you tell Heavenly Father that his prophets and apostles are teaching it wrong. 'Cuz that argument will stand at judgement day...Not to mention the glaring fact that you are how old? And have had how much life experience? True, you could be older than my naive 23, but you certainly don't know better than the leaders of God's church on the Earth...
So then the poor guy with them says, "Well, I think that it is a matter of mutual respect and responsibility, only in today's world, no one wants the responsibility." Can I just say that at this moment, I realized, here is this poor boy who is seeking a wife and mother for his girls who appreciates girls' modest dress because it aids him in his quest to stay morally clean. And it's being shoved in his face that he's the dirty and unclean one when he notices a woman's immodestly dressed body. In this moment I realized that this whole time, with pornography and such, I have been obsessing over who my girls will marry. And maybe I should be just as concerned, if not more, about the girls that my future sons will marry. Just a thought...I thought this young man was spot on. It is a matter of respect. And this whole, "how dare you teach a woman that she is responsible if a man has immoral thoughts about her just because of her dress" thing is just wrong. Disagree if you want. But it's wrong.
So then the guy says, "It's ignorant to think that the way you dress doesn't affect other people." And the girl follows with perhaps the weakest argument I've ever heard: "Yes, but to base how you dress on that fact is totally ridiculous." Um, what? Isn't that kind of the whole point? And yes, it is indeed because straight from the first presidency approved definition of modesty on the church website it states that "Central to the command to be modest is an understanding of the sacred power of procreation, the ability to bring children into the world. This power is to be used only between husband and wife. Revealing and sexually suggestive clothing, which includes short shorts and skirts, tight clothing, and shirts that do not cover the stomach, can stimulate desires and actions that violate the Lord's law of chastity.
CENTRAL. Central to the command to be modest is the fact that revealing clothing can stimulate desires and actions. Central. That means, like, the main point. So yes, the way you dress should be based upon how it might affect others. And on respect to your own body, of course, but CENTRALLY based on your clothing's affect on desires and actions of others. Now let me just make it more than clear here, if a woman is raped, it is not her fault and she did not deserve it if she was dressed immodestly. That's what these people who argue that modesty should not be taught as a means to help young men be morally pure. They think it's oppressive and wrong to teach a young woman that if she is "sexually viewed" by men because of her immodesty, it is their fault and theirs alone. Well I have news for you. Like this young man stated, it is ignorant to think that the way you dress doesn't affect other people. 
I couldn't believe what the next thing said was. I was literally ready to jump up and go to that poor boy's rescue and tell this girl that she was psycho lol. She says, "I'm tired of being taught that all skin is bad. The other day on campus, I was wearing a long sleeve shirt and tights..."First of all, what? Are you claiming that's modest? Because in the list of sexually suggestive clothing given by the church, clothing that is too tight is definitely listed. So really? You were wearing tights as pants and don't see an issue with that? She continues: "And I got asked to go home and change just because my shirt was a little low cut. I mean come on, my arms and legs were totally and completely covered. Not all skin is bad people. Really? You're going to get me in trouble just for that?" Now I realize that this was just one dumb girl in a resturaunt, but I know that she isn't the only one who justifies this. First off, I was raised with very strict modesty and was taught that modest dress was both to respect myself and respect the righteous desires of young men. But I was never taught that all skin was bad. I wore knee length clothes and short sleeve shirts and I never had to wear a veil over my face. But I have news for you honey, boobs and arms and legs are NOT the same thing. Just because your arms and legs are covered does not mean that you can show your chest. Duh. I seriously could not believe my ears. I mean really. Are you for real? And the scary thing: She totally was.
This incident was just one of many on my mind lately. I swear these quotes are pretty much exact because it was so burned into my mind. So. Many. Women. are questioning the teachings of the church about modesty and are challenging the way by which apostles and prophets are teaching it. Just this month in the Ensign there was an article about the Lord's standard of morality. There were several blogs and articles going around on Facebook about it. And I'm not even joking when I say that women were actually saying, of a president of the seventy, mind you, "how dare he even make such a statement as 'In the end, most women get the type of man they dress for.'" I don't think that he was saying that if a woman gets raped, they deserved it. That if they end up in an abusive relationship they earned it. He was simply stating that if you dress immodestly, you will not attract the pure and morally clean men. I mean just look at Scott and I. I asked him last night if he would have been attracted to me had I dressed immodestly. He said, "I would have definitely noticed that you were attractive. I would have thought you were cute. But I never would have asked you on a date." And guess what? My brother doesn't take immodest girls out either. And my dad didn't. These are all morally clean and pure men. If you don't dress modestly, you won't attract them. So this statement is not totally out of line. There were LDS psychologists saying that this one statement took women's rights back 30 years and blah, blah, blah. To these people I say: "When they are learned they think they are wise, and hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish."
Another point I would like to make is the fact that the way you dress does say something about you. How many of us, no matter how reluctant to admit it, have judged someone right away based on their outfit choice? I know that it shouldn't happen and that it isn't Christlike. But we all do it, or have at one point. Whether it be that someone is sloppily dressed or scantily clad. On the flip side, we notice when someone is dressed up, well groomed, etc. Our choice of dress sends a message about us to the people around us. This is the whole point behind uniforms, is it not? When I see a woman in the outfit of a nun, I can assume several things about her. She is a Catholic, she has taken a vow of celibacy, and she is deeply religious. Two young men walking down the sidewalk in slacks and white shirts are missionaries. A student wearing stage blacks at a concert is stage crew. Our clothing sends a message. This cannot be denied or argued. A homeless man on the corner is wearing tattered and dirty clothing. We assume he needs or is trying to get help. When we go to the temple, we are asked to dress in our Sunday best. Why? Because those choices of clothing send a message to those around us and serve as a reminder to us that this is a reverent place worthy of respect. So when you dress immodestly, whether you are meaning to or not, you are sending a message. And that message isn't one of virtue. And people will, more likely than not or right or wrong, assign a judgement. So if you're looking for a virtuous young man to marry in the temple, you're dressing to impress the wrong crowd, and that is the crowd you will attract.
One more thing that comes to mind when someone says to me that we should not teach young women that their choice of clothing affects the thoughts of the men around them is this: is there a choice on this Earth that we make that does not effect anyone but ourselves? I would argue that there isn't. Every choice I have made, no matter how mundane, has affected someone else. It's the same with dress. I've said it before and I'll say it again. When you dress immodestly and a man notices (whether he entertains thoughts or not) it isn't solely the fault of that young man. He was made to notice. And every woman knows it. So deny it all you want. Blame it on the men all you want. You cannot dress for attention and then condemn those who give it to you. It's that simple.
Anyway, it just hurts a little to realize how many women that I look up to and women who should be setting an example are out there writing blogs about how they know better than the prophets and how they aren't responsible for men's thoughts and actions. The whole point of being on this Earth is to help our brothers and sister return to live with our Father in Heaven. So I see no problem with saying that it is a young woman's responsibility to do her part to help those young men around her. Is it the sole reason to dress modestly? No. But it is the central one. The end.