5 Signs Your Pants Are Too Tight

Dear girls on campus:
Can I please borrow a few of you? Because you seem to have mastered the skill of fitting into pants (particularly skinny jeans and leggings) that are two sizes too small. And I have some pre-pregnancy jeans that I would kill to fit into. Thanks a ton.
Shiloh

I'm bugged. I try not to care and to mind my own business. But ya'll know by now that I can't help it. Fashion today blows my mind. First off: skinny jeans. Because they're tight all the way down, they just naturally look tighter than other styles of jeans. And they emphasize all the wrong things. Wide hips? Saggy/flat bum? Thunder thighs? They're all grouped in there with the things that skinny jeans emphasize. Girls, those are NOT things you want to emphasize. Dress for your body type. Do yourself a favor.
Leggings. Where do I start? First off: THEY ARE NOT PANTS. And they are not doing you any favors either.This whole fad started with wearing a long shirt with leggings. Like, the shirt generally went just past the bum. Now, however, that whole idea is ditched and leggings are treated as pants. Well let me tell you, all legwear is NOT created equal. And that aztec pattern? What?
So for all of you who embrace these fashions, let me help ya out. Here are 5 sure fire ways to tell if your pants are too tight. You're welcome. :)

1. I am going to approach this as gingerly as I can. Without being overly crude. I've thought a lot about how to put this, and I think that I've come up with the least offensive and most straightforward way I can put this. If you have a "front wedgie" your pants are too tight. Enough said.

2. When onlookers can see your underwear through your pants, your pants are too tight. I kid you not. Where are these people's friends? I hope to heaven that if I ever put something like that on, my friends (if I were single) and my husband (since I'm not) will tell me that I'm showing off my undies. But, quite frankly, I'd die before wearing those.

3. When you have to do a little dance to get your pants over your calves, thighs, and hips, they're too tight. Along with this: When you are donning your jeans as if they are tights or leggings (and don't think I'm making this up, I've seen it, roomies and stuff) they are too tight.

4. When you button your pants and the waistline is so tight you have a muffin top, your pants are too tight.

5. When you have to avoid squatting for fear of ripping your pants or mooning the world, your pants are too tight.

I would have thought all of these things would be obvious. But apparently they're not. And since your roommates, parents, friends, teachers, husbands, or random acquaintances aren't telling you, I feel I should. It can only help, right?